Most Horrible Time of the Year

This time of year is just generally hard for me.

Today sucks.

But just now, looking at my FB memories, today sucked lots of years past too. However, I remember this particular day.

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I woke up in a creepy dark suicidal fog. Like, really weird morbid suicidal and homicidal thoughts together which wasn’t my normal. But, as was typical, by the time Parker got me to the Crisis unit and they talked to me, the fog was gone and they sent me over to Meridian.

We threw a fit at the front window to get me seen. One of the many times my controlled yet chaotic explosion of mental blarg was helpful.

I had been off meds due to lack of insurance. I had zero control.

Today sucks. But I’m so much stronger than I was years ago.

It’s still hard as fuck when I feel like I should be able to control this roller coaster and I can’t.

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