This is your 8th of the month post. (TW: Talk of suicide)
Your, “don’t die”, you are worth it, you are loved, you are valued, this can’t take another life, post.
This month I decided to write it after having the most surreal moment a few days ago.
I was both intensely suicidal, complete with forming a plan and writing my own suicide note in my head and at the same time I was putting on my makeup to go out that night. I didn’t plan it that way, it just happened.
I was envisioning the “I love you, I’m sorry”, and other goodbye texts I’d send out, while putting on eye liner. I was wondering if I’d make phone calls while putting on lipstick.
And I just kept doing one more thing than I thought I could do.
I didn’t end up going out that night, my anxiety was just too high, but I did end up staying alive because I kept doing one more thing through the worst of the thoughts.
Sometimes suicidal thoughts might take over if they are something you live with.
Sometimes depression might take over if it is something you live with.
And sometimes mania might take over if it is something you live with.
All you can do is one more thing towards staying alive, towards living, towards stability.
Don’t try to be a super hero. Don’t try to get it perfect. Just move one step beyond what you think you can do.
All you can do is what you can do.
It doesn’t mean just do what you want to do. It means take what you want to do and go one step further.
If you think you need to die, just stay alive.
If you want to stay in bed, get up and shower. If you just can’t. Then instead of sleeping, at least get on your phone and message someone and have some interaction for a few minutes.
But before all of that, just stay alive. The rest of this will come as long as you are alive.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Phone Number
Text HOME to 741741