It’s the Eighth of the month again, and again I feel the need to write this post instead of sharing something.  These are things I may have said before, or not, but either way, it comes from the heart because it’s something I’m living and breathing and experiencing.

This weekend I’m in Philadelphia.  I’m actually writing this post a day early with plans to post it tomorrow, so right now I’m packing to leave for a weekend with Wonder Woman.  Next week we celebrate our first anniversary.  This past week I bought my bus tickets to New York to go see a friend next month for her son’s first birthday.

A few months ago I couldn’t see past the end of the week.  A few months ago I couldn’t see more than a few hours ahead of me.  At times I saw nothingness.  My world became blank.

It took me gritting my teeth and pushing through the hard, hanging on for dear life, literally.  Sometimes spending hours in bed because it would have been dangerous to let my feet hit the floor.

It took me reaching out for help.

But because I did all of that, I’m here to plan trips again.  I’m here to celebrate my first year with an amazing woman, when I never thought I’d be able to love again after losing Parker.

I’m still working my way slowly back to health and wellness.  I still stumble and I’m still not ready to go full speed ahead.

But I’m glad I held on. I’m glad I kept looking at all of my reasons to live.

Can you stop right now and come up with 8 reasons to live?  Even if you think you’ll never need them.  Even if you think you’ll never be suicidal.  Think of 8 reasons, people, purpose, dreams, any reasons.  Maybe write them down.  Think of 8 things you can hold on for if things suddenly get dark.

You’ll never realize how much of a difference those things can make until you need them, and when you need them you should already know what they are.

If you’re in crisis, or if you need someone to hear you, you can call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255

or text the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741.

Either way, reach out and hold on.

You’re worth it, and it will get better.