One of the harder things since Wonder Woman moved in has been learning how to communicate my needs and accept that she may not do things the way I would do them.
We are such different people. For a long while, “Opposites Attract” by Paula Abdul was jokingly played when we would find, yet another, thing that was polar opposite about us.
She is the chaos to my order.
I love her because of her chaos. She reminds me to relax and that it doesn’t have to be perfect. She reminds me that my positive affirmations can always have a chaotic addendum. She’s the one telling me that I don’t have to be strong all of the time and that I should feel all of my feelings, including the negative ones, and that I should cut myself some slack when those negative feelings keep me from doing all of the things.
Her chaos reminds me that I don’t have to do it all right now, and that sometimes, it doesn’t matter if I do it right now, or next week, it will still be there and it can still get done.
But sometimes my need for order, and her penchant for chaos, clash.
Navigating that conflict is hard.
Conflict is a type of trauma for me and I want to run from tension. I’m learning that I can speak my feelings and have them validated as opposed to negated.
I’m finding my voice.
And when I get angry I am learning.
Tension doesn’t have to mean anger or fighting. Tension can be okay. It can just be a feeling that is there. Something I don’t have to run from or act on. Once I stop fighting against myself, I can see more clearly what’s happening in front of me.
It’s much easier to discuss a situation from a position of clarity instead of through anger and frustration.
And often, once I can see the situation clearly I realize there’s no reason to be angry at all. Her chaos and my order complement each other very nicely. We find a comfortable balance.
Until the next time we don’t, and then we’ll talk it out again.