Maybe

Really Real Mental Health Post

Maybe I’m doing a little bit better today.

I only slept 11 hours last night, and I took the laundry down stairs and started it when I let the dog out, and I did my dishes before sitting down at the computer.

A lot of dishes pile up when I’m depressed for a few days.

A lot of fucking dishes.

Especially when I continue to cook because I feel like I have to be doing something.

But, gold star for me, my sink is clear, and my first load of laundry is probably about done washing and I have a gym date set for 10am.  I might even make a grocery list before then.

Yesterday was a very typical depressed but functioning day.  I spent a lot of the day angry for no reason at all.  I couldn’t find the joy in a place that I normally love to be.  I wanted more than anything to connect with my surroundings and at one point even drank too much too quick trying to force it and then just felt like shit because that’s not really a thing that I do, and while I felt happy and giddy for a few minutes, I, of course, felt more depressed afterwards.

It didn’t help that I was in a lot of pain.  A combination of my normal ouchy, plus sleeping too much in one position, plus depression pain meant my back was screaming for most of the day.

I was kind of miserable and did my best not to show it.  I tried to have a good time, and I enjoyed being with people, but mostly I was just in pain, mentally and physically.

I didn’t stay awake for very long once we were home.

Maybe next year will be better.

On a different note.

I see a lot of friends doing Inktober, which is where you draw every day based on some theme word they give you (that’s what I gather from what I’m seeing them post).  The other major event is NaNoWriMo, National Novel Writing Month in November and I’ve thought about getting involved for years now, except I write non-fiction and it’s based around fiction.  Although I looked it up yesterday and they have a rebels section where non-fiction is allowed.

50,000 words in 31 days.  That’s 1613 words a day.  You aren’t supposed to edit them or reread for clarity, just write, total rough draft.  I write and edit 300-500 words almost every day for this blog and sometimes have to struggle to prune it to stay within a reasonable word count.  And that’s staying with current events.  I’d love to write more about my past and everything leading up till now, and all that I’ve learned.  And it might give me a start on the book that everyone keeps telling me I should write.

Or if nothing else it could be cathartic to get it all out of my system through my fingers.

Maybe.

Is anyone else doing NaNoWriMo?

 

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