Starts With One

Yesterday I fought through my depression by following a meme that a friend shared.

I just kept starting the first piece of one thing and my depression would let me finish.  I just needed to start.  I’d start one thing, then the next and the next and the next and finally, it was 11pm and I was able to say I’d stayed awake all day and I’d done more than enough and I could start getting ready for bed.

I slept for 7 hours last night, which is much closer to normal for me, and a heck of a lot easier on my body than the 12 hours I’ve been getting.

I feel human today.

Although I still need my coffee.

Why the hell am I writing this before my coffee, what was I thinking.   I’ll be right back.




<10 minutes later, with a cup of coffee in my hand>

Some days I start writing these blog posts before I’m even out of bed.  I’m laying in bed, still waking up and the sentences and paragraphs are floating around in my head, I’m forming what I’m going to say that day and I hope I can hold onto it long enough to get to the keys.

Other days we’ll be driving down the road on a long trip (she normally drives, I normally fight to stay awake) and I wish I had a laptop or something on me because I have the perfect idea, something I need to get out through my fingers but it’s too hard to type on the phone.

I wish that handwriting wasn’t so hard on my hands or I would just carry a notebook, it’s almost physically impossible for me to write this much out with a pen or pencil, my hand would lose the ability to grip long before I got to this point.  But I’m thankful that I live in an age where we have technological workarounds.  For that matter, if I could no longer type, I could speak into a text to type and have it put my words on the screen for me.  It wouldn’t have the same cathartic nature I don’t think.

I used to always have an ipad with a keyboard on me when I was in school, one of the most useful devices ever created.  I still use it, but I stopped carrying it as often because I wasn’t carrying as big of a purse.

Maybe I need to rethink that since I’m trying to write more often, especially if I’m going to do NaNoWritMo. . .

This is what happens when I write a post before my coffee is in my system, you get one long rambling ADHD mess of a post.

Oh look, a squirrel.

Maybe something with more substance will happen later, or maybe you’ll have to wait for tomorrow.

I kind of like writing every day, it’s a part of my morning routine that I miss when I’m rushed to get ready for something.

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