Really Real Mental Health Post
I’ve only been in DBT for two weeks (out of 24) and I can already see how the skills they are teaching me are meant to work, and I’m already able to put them into use, although it takes a lot of intentional practice and I have mixed results.
It’s really hard to stop when my brain is melting down and ask “is this based on what I can actually see, or on my emotions.” It’s hard to be angry or anxious or afraid and not judge myself for being angry (anger is a “BAD” emotion, right?) It’s really hard to stop mid spiral and find something more productive to do. The more I use them, the more they will become automatic.
The time change has thrown me off. It does every single time. I wish they’d get rid of this fucking archaic bullshit. I’m just coming back from a trip. I’m frustrated about some things that are out of my control. I’m trying to learn new skills and new habits for DBT which requires more focusing inward (growth is painful).
I’m using my new skills to work through all of it.
I’m haven’t even come close to keeping up with NaNoWriMo. I’m trying to decide if it’s a goal worth continuing to fight for. If it’s something I really want to do or if it just sounded good. I’m trying to decide how useful it’ll be in the grand scheme of things. Writing here really seems more important and switching gears to write about the past isn’t a super power of mine (to steal phrasing from one of my best friends).
Actually, when you think about it, it’s kind of funny how I spend so much time being anxious about the future, or depressed about the past, but here I spend so much time writing about the present. It’s one of the few places I totally slow down and focus on right now.
It’s also one of the few things I do “One-Mindfully” (A DBT skill I’m practicing this week). When I’m writing these, I just write. I’m not worrying about what’s for dinner, or what time mobility is coming, or anything else. I focus on the present moment.
A habit I’m supposed to be starting with DBT is filling out a diary card daily. It’s basically a mood chart, but also includes a list of DBT skills and asks which ones you used or attempted to use each day, things like that. It’s a great idea but really freaking difficult for me to put into practice. I figure I remember my meds each day, I should be able to remember the card each day. Last week I filled it out 4 times but was able to remember enough to fill in the entire week. This week I’m looking at it for the first time today, and group is tomorrow.
I’m sure I’ll get there.