Almost

Really Real Mental Health Post

I almost took today off from writing.

I didn’t really have anything to write about this morning, and then I was off and out the door, taking a load of stuff to the dump, and then going to physical therapy, and then the gym, and by the time I got home it was starting to drizzle and I wanted to get the trash out and then one thing led to another and it was time to start dinner.

And I never did think of something to write about.

But it felt weird not writing today.

It’s part of my routine.

It’s part of what I do.

It’s one of the few times of the day that I shut down everything in my brain and only focus on what’s in front of me.

It’s one of the most mindful things I do.

I’m still fighting what I hope is the end of this depression, and that may be one reason that I didn’t find time to write today.  I feel myself having excuses for why I can’t push hard enough at the gym or why I can’t get to the dishes, or why I need to stay in bed just a little bit longer in the morning.  It’s hard to find the balance between allowing the depression to run its course and still pushing myself to do better and be better and work harder.

For me, it works best to give myself permission to not do any of it, and typically that means I end up doing the things that need doing.

Today i gave myself permission to take the day off from writing, which is why I’m now writing at 11:35 pm because I just couldn’t handle letting the day pass without it.

It felt wrong.

If I’m not keeping up with NaNoWriMo (and I’m not) at least I can keep up with blogging every day.

I almost took today off though.

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