Really Real Mental Health Post

This morning the weather is gross.  It’s sleeting and icy and I can’t quite tell if it’s laying on the ground but it’s the first time this has happened and United Way may not have known if they were opening late by the time mobility came to take me in.  They get me super early.

It didn’t look THAT bad out there, but I’m also not that close to the office, and they tend to err on the safe side.

So I ended up cancelling going into my volunteer job today, but I feel really guilty about it, because maybe it was just an excuse.  I’m still fighting this low grade depression and I really didn’t want to go.  But I also didn’t want to be stranded sitting there with nothing to do, potentially outside in the weather because I didn’t know if the building would be closed too.

This constant worry of, am I pushing hard enough or too hard.  Am I setting myself up for a bad situation, or using it as an excuse.

There’s not always an easy answer.

I did get out of bed this morning , and I did really think hard about going, which is a lot better than just deciding last night that I’d not go and sleep in all day.

They probably will open on time, and mobility probably will run just fine, but the anxiety was pretty high that those things wouldn’t have happened.  And if I would have gotten there and been stuck in the cold sleet and rain it would have been pretty bad.  It’s not like I have a car to just drive myself home.

This may have been a little bit of both, a valid reason and an excuse.  But that’s why I’m volunteering and not working in an office yet.  I have the flexibility for days like this where I just don’t quite make it out the door for whatever reason.  I’m getting better at it, and I’m lucky to have a really understanding coordinator that I work with.  They appreciate my help whenever I am there.

Hopefully the weather clears up soon.  I’m sure it isn’t helping my mood any.

Gross.