Grateful

This is a Really Real Widow Post.

But it’s also a Really Real Life post.

I want to focus far more on the life part than the death part.

Tonight I’m grateful for the little moments.

Death taught me to appreciate life.  And I know it’s strange to say that days after, yet another, fight with suicidal thoughts, but I can’t control that part of my brain and this isn’t about that.

Death taught me to appreciate the small moments in life.

Tonight I appreciate my just small enough apartment where I get to sit in the same room with the woman I love doing our own things in the same space.

This is my favorite part of the evening.  Together but completely engrossed in our own lives. although sometimes I spend minutes just watching her as she focuses so intently on her game.

It’s not the major events that I think of when I miss Parker.  It’s the little day to day stuff that I think I never quite appreciated enough.

I’m glad I have a chance to be grateful.

I’m grateful for my just small enough apartment that lets us spend so much time in the same space.

I’m grateful for a woman who I love spending so much time with.

I’m grateful for a partner who loves spending so much time with me.

I’m grateful that we can coexist in the same space without stepping on each others toes with our sounds and our interests.  We know how to make it work.

I’m grateful that I am able to appreciate these little things.  I wish everyone was.

I’m grateful for the little touches and signs of affection as we walk through the room.  I’m thankful that we love each other that way.

I hope we never lose this.  I hope I never stop being grateful for it all.

Death taught me to appreciate life.

I’m so grateful for that lesson.

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