This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

When I come out on the other side, after days and days of fighting my own brain, I’m left with this mixture of energy and exhaustion.

Sometimes it feels like I’m swinging in the other direction because there is such a stark contrast in my ability to get things done.  But at the same time, I’m emotionally and socially wiped out.

I need a break.

As much as I need the distraction of continuing to push forward during my suicidal episodes, I feel like giving myself time to pause afterwards may also be needed.

Time to breathe.

Time to laugh and find the joy in the little things again.

Today I spent time playing video games with the kid who is miles away.  I’m cooking a good meal in the crockpot.  I’m catching up on laundry that went undone.  I’m cleaning my space and organizing my mind.

I’m pausing and staying home and doing the little things here that make me an overall happier person.

I’m staying in warm comfy pajamas and catching up on the adult-ing that went undone last week while I was barely staying afloat.

All at a calm, leisurely pace.

Things that would be overwhelming if I were still trying to run and do all of the things outside of the house that need doing as well.

So today I paused.  I gave myself permission to shut the doors and stay inside.  I’m taking a break and focusing on my space and taking back my time.

There’s a super fine line though.  Sometimes this can become a depression move instead of a self care move, and knowing which is which is important.