Are you mad?

This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

I have a really bad habit of assuming everyone else is thinking what I’m assuming they are thinking.

So if someone doesn’t react they way I expect them to, I think they must be mad at me.

Twice recently, when I’ve spoken up about it, I’ve found out that what really happened was a miscommunication, often based around assumptions, and when it goes on long enough, a rift forms in the relationship that can last until someone speaks up.

That doesn’t mean I always have to be the one to break the silence, it’s not my responsibility to fix everything.  Not every relationship needs to be fixed or cured, not every relationship is healthy.

But communication helps and assuming I know what others are thinking isn’t helpful in the least.

I’m working on it.

It’s easy to assume negative intentions of those around me when so much negative has happened in the past.

The only things I truly know are things I can physically see, the rest are assumptions which are often wrong.  I can see someone being speaking less than usual, but I can’t know it’s because they are angry unless I ask.  I can see someone with a furrowed brow, but I can’t know if they are frustrated with me unless I ask.

Learning the skill of only describing things I can actually see, and not describing others emotions is a part of the DBT classes I’m in but it’s a skill that is taking time to learn.  New skills are hard work to integrate.  When you need them the most, they come to you the least.

But I’m learning to ask questions and find out what people are feeling, and I’m trying to surround myself with people who will tell me their honest feelings up front, and people who I am comfortable asking about their feelings.

I’m also working on not caring so damn much, but that’s a harder skill to learn.

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