Nothing

This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

Sometimes it comes out of nowhere.  No real cause, nothing to set it off.

I’m just,

Angry.  Grumpy.  Frustrated.

But also,

Sad. Hurting. Alone.

I feel overwhelmed but nothing and everything is the cause.

I’m just sitting here, and I was fine, but now I’m not.

And my reaction is to withdraw, crawl inside of myself, close the world out, don’t let anyone in.  I’m alone and I want to be more alone.

Except,

I don’t.

I want, need, crave connection when I feel like this,
but I don’t know how to ask for it.

My words leave me.

I want to push everyone and everything away, but really I just want to be held tight so that I have something to push against for a little while.

I just need to feel safe enough to be angry at nothing.

Because anger still doesn’t feel safe.

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