Called Out

This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

My coffee is way too hot to drink.

And I became an Aunt again overnight last night, as my sister gave birth to another nephew.

And sometimes it’s really easy to write about some things that are happening in my life, like the coffee I’m drinking, or the baby my sister had, and really hard to write about others because I don’t want to involve the people or situation involved.

And that’s the problem with this being a public journal is that sometimes I want to get things of my chest, in the way that I do, but sometimes that would mean putting current situations out there in a way that doesn’t seem fair.

Or even if I wrote about the issues in a way that didn’t name anyone, I would wonder if there was an underlying passive aggressive tone to my writing, as if I were continuing a fight, one sided, through my words on the screen. 

This isn’t the first time this has happened.  I come across situations regularly that I want to write about, but they are too current and too involved and it would call someone out for me to write on it so I start a draft and then drop it.  Later when I come back to it I can’t remember enough detail to finish it.

I need to get a better system of writing and storing entries so that maybe these “in the moment” ones can be written, but then posted down the line, when the moment has passed and I don’t have something to write about. 

Writing this is important to me and to my mental health, and I’ve found that when I have something I want to write, but feel that I can’t, I’ll completely stop writing for a day or two, and face a sort of writers block around it. 

Kind of like when I need to process something and I can’t see anything else until I work through that.  You know, like that. . . 

It’s almost like I use my writing as a place to process things and by stopping the writing process I’m trying to stop my process of processing.  (Say that 5 times fast).

In the mean time, I have other ways I work out hard emotions, and I’ll focus on them to get around and through this.  

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