Respectfully

This is a Really Real Life Post.

I went to write a post and realized anything having to do with the topic of trans folks is a really really hard topic for me to write about, because the words just don’t want to come together into fully formed sentences. I have ideas and thought patterns but I’m not sure how to say what I want to say. Anything I try to write sounds too scripted and less like my typical, free flowing writing style.

And the major reason is, I’m not a part of the trans community, and therefore I’m worried that I’ll say something wrong and inadvertently hurt or offend someone.

I’ve dated a woman who is trans for the past 16 months and we’ve lived together for 10 and I still struggle with how to approach so many things respectfully. It also makes me understand why, sometimes, other people are intimidated or unsure of what to say or how to say it, and they don’t even have the experience I do.

I mean, as a whole, I know that you don’t ask questions that you wouldn’t ask of everyone else. You use the correct pronouns and if you fuck up you apologize, and do better, you don’t make excuses. I’ve learned a lot, too, in this past year. Especially about how gendered our society is and how fucked up that is.

But when it comes to writing a post about a situation that concerns my girlfriends identity, I freeze. And it’s not because I’m afraid of outing her on my page, although I kind of tried to play it off as that. It’s because I am afraid of saying too much or too little, making it too much about me, or not being a proper ally, or in some way coming off ‘wrong’.

It’s partly my anxiety.

But I’m writing this post because I know it’s not just me or my anxiety, it’s also hard to know what to say sometimes.

And I know when I have questions I can ask Wonder Woman, or someone else in the trans community who has let me know they are approachable and they may help.

And I also know, it’s okay to fuck up sometimes.

I know that once I write this and get it out I’ll realize how silly it is. Because I know where my heart is. I know I’m open to learning better and doing better if I am doing or saying something wrong.

And I hope someone will be kind enough to point me in the right direction if that happens.

And now I can go write the post I originally wanted to write so that I can post that some other day.

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