This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

Yesterday was one of those days that went really well.

The gym felt good and I felt strong. We were able to get some decent time on our favorite machine and do some of our old school workout which always does a number on my arms in the most wonderful way.

DBT was on a topic that I needed and understood, I had my homework done and I was able to contribute to the conversation fully. I was able to get the mindfulness activity and it’s one I plan on adding to my routine. I didn’t zone out during the lecture and stayed present without daydreaming.

My wait for mobility was productive, and my ride home was short.

I tried a new recipe for dinner, and it came together well, using up some leftover chicken in a yummy pot pie that I will repeat. Dinner was ready at a reasonable hour which made me feel productive and really good about myself after a busy day.

And I still needed to go lay down and have a visit with my depression after I ate.

Our mindfulness activity during DBT was to visualize an emotion. Feel it, see it, describe it’s attributes. What texture does it have, how heavy is it, what smell, what taste, what shape, color etc.

I chose sadness.

It’s spherical. With round bumps of different sizes and heights all over it. Blue/Grey/Yellow/Green kind of a swirly cloudy blah color. Smells and tastes like blech. Weighs so much that I can’t pick it up to feel how much it weighs even though it’s not that big. I have to lean over awkwardly to move it, and it’s hard to roll because of the different bumps all over it.

I can see it, and I had to go visit with it for a little bit after my really good day because it was weighing me down heavily.

I was able to finish off my day in a better head space. But I needed to give myself some down time to feel all of my feels.

Often, it’s just like that.