This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
I’m fighting my own brain.
This is nothing new, but I’m fighting over a topic I’m not all that used to, or at least not used to it being this bad.
Normally, I feel beautiful somewhere underneath of all of my weight issues. I normally know that I’m cute, and even pretty, despite the weight. I normally love my crazy style and my pink hair. I make jokes and take pictures of my wild bedhead and mostly I try not to give a fuck about my complexion, the fact that I pick at my face, or that I grow a small beard due to hormonal stuff (thank goodness for wax strips and tweezers).
But last night I looked at Wonder Woman and asked her how she could stand coming home to me each night.
And I was kind of shocked after the words left my mouth.
I had just left the bathroom where I was staring in the mirror trying not to tear my face up even more, I realized my hair was standing on end, my old lady night gown was a frumpy mess, my chin needed to be waxed or plucked or both, and I just felt gross.
And she came home from work to me looking like this.
And of course, she had some amazingly sweet reply about how cute I was, which I rejected immediately in my head.
But I’m not used to it being quite this bad in my brain over this stuff. I may have a day here or a day there where I’m down on myself, but then I bounce back. Right now it just seems never ending.
I’m writing this to try and shine some light into this particular dark space to maybe make it go away. Because that’s how this works, I put it out there and it helps to clear it out. Well this needs to clear on out.
And it makes me sad that I’m not the only one. We’re so hard on ourselves and it doesn’t make sense.
It doesn’t make sense that I feel this way about myself but I can’t make it stop.