Just Stop

This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

I’m on over a dozen different medications between mental and physical health.

That means, once a week I sit down and figure out which ones are AM and which ones are PM and which ones are both and sort them into my handy dandy med management system.

And right now I’m going through a phase of wondering why?

I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m the first person to fight for medications. I’m the first person to say how important they are and how much people should consider them for the chemical imbalances that cause mental illness, etc.

Medications are important.

But I need a break.

Maybe I can make it without them for a little while.

It gets to the point that you’re medicating side effects to medicate side effects and sometimes I just want to stop everything for awhile and start over from square one.

Chances are pretty slim that I will. I know better.

But I’m tired of spending 30 minutes or more every week, breaking pills in half and sorting and counting and hearing the plink plink plink of pills into containers.

I’m tired of having to remember to take them twice a day.

i’m tired of having to remember to eat 350 calories with my night meds, and adding those extra calories when I forget to take it with dinner.

I’m tired of medications.

But I know I go through phases like this. And I still go to therapy and go to my pdoc appointments and get my meds and take them.

The roller coaster will just get worse if I don’t.

Believe me, I know, I’ve tried. It isn’t pretty. And it takes awhile for the meds to calm things back down once I go back on them.

It isn’t even the typical reason, “I feel better so maybe I don’t need them anymore.” It’s more that, “I don’t feel completely better, so maybe I could feel just this good without them, without all of the hassle of dealing with them.” Maybe I could maintain this level of stability on my own.

So, I go to therapy, and I talk to my therapist, and she helps me reality check that idea, again and again, and again.

I’ll just keep taking them.

I guess it’s easier that way.

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