This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
I think this is the longest I’ve gone without writing in months and months. The last post was on the 19th and it’s now the 23rd.
It’s that whole concept of, when things are going well, it’s harder to figure out what to talk about.
Right now my mental health is cooperating. I feel like the fog has lifted some, and while I’m still playing a lot of video games and kind of hibernating for the winter, I’m also having a bit easier time making it to the gym and making it out to social events.
Of course, I’m also fighting one hell of a cold that might be settling in my lungs (bad news given my asthma). So, my mental health is better, but now I’m taking the day off life because I can’t go five minutes without a sneezing or coughing fit.
Earlier this week I did two weeks worth of menu planning and did all of the grocery shopping that goes with it, plus bought some extra meats for the next round, and some easy to make stuff for the days that I just can’t cook. With the depression loosening its grip I’m really feeling the whole homemaker role, even being sick I still had dinner ready last night and I felt a sense of pride in that. I might be dying but damnit, we’re gonna be fed!
Okay, not really.
But that’s also the mom in me, and right now I do feel a sense of pride in my ability to still handle “all of the things” where old me would have been really upset that I still have to handle “all of the things.” I’m not sure what changed.
Yeah I am, Parker died, and we fought about me doing “all of the things” right before she did.
So, it makes me feel good when I’m juggling all of the plates and things are falling into place, and food is on the “table” (we don’t have a table), and dishes are done, and I make it to my appointments and DBT, and do all of the adulting.
Especially when I do all of that plus deal with my some extra thing (being sick) on top of my normal things (chronic physical and mental health stuff).
I feel like I really can do this.
And then, of course, college starts next week, which will throw another plate into the spinning and juggling of things.
I got this!