This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
One of the tenets of DBT is nonjudgmental stance. The idea that you can observe something without judgement, without seeing it as right or wrong, good or bad. This can be applied to anything that can be observed, emotions, situations, behaviors, feelings or sensations.
Why do we judge everything?
We were brought up in a society where everything is labeled as right or wrong, good or bad, things are seen in the binary, unable to exist in the grey area, or to just exist as they are. As children we are taught that behaviors are good or bad. Emotions are positive or negative. Our reactions to those emotions are acceptable or unacceptable. We are punished or praised.
We often begin judging ourselves as good or bad, judging others as good or bad.
A behavior is just that, a behavior, a reaction to an event. What if all behaviors were learning opportunities instead of opportunities for judgement? What if emotions were all seen as relevant, neutral occurrences? What if we allowed our children and ourselves to express our emotions without judgement?
What if we didn’t stand in constant judgement of ourselves and others?
I have a really really hard time with this.
I’m constantly judging myself.
“That wasn’t good enough.” “You fucked up.” “Depression is the negative side, Hypomania is the more positive side.” “Good thoughts, Bad thoughts”
In turn, it’s easier to place judgement on others. I am so used to judgmental thoughts running through my head that they are easily directed at those around me. Friends, family, those I love and care about. I say I am a nonjudgmental person, but in reality that is what I’m striving for but have been unable to do, yet.
We often judge that which we most want to change in ourselves.
But changing this behavior will start with correcting my own self talk.
Non-judgmentally sitting with my own thoughts, feelings, and actions will allow me to better see and hear others actions in a nonjudgmental way.
Growth and moving away from toxic behaviors.