This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
Also a Really Real Writing Post.
I pride myself on being open and vulnerable.
I share so much of myself, so much of who I am and what I think, here, with fingers to keys.
But the words on your screen are carefully chosen. Each letter has been read and reread, thought and overthought, edited and clarified.
While you are seeing the real truth, straight from my heart, and soul, and mind, you are also seeing something that I have worried about, and sometimes agonized over, before hitting send.
Is this clear enough?
Will it be received in the way it is being sent?
Can my words be twisted into meanings that I don’t intend?
I often plan out the written pieces in my head before putting fingers to keys. Then after writing I spend time reading them in various voices, the voices of my friends and loved ones, and attempting to predict your reactions to the words on the screen.
Will I be understood?
Often it’s this playacting in my head that keeps me from writing about certain topics or certain people. My intention is never to cause harm to a person or relationship.
I want to help people, including myself, through the words I put on the screen.
I write about hard subjects and difficult topics. Sometimes scary, sometimes sad. I don’t want to cause undue stress because a comma could have been better placed or a different word could have been chosen.
I may not ever be concise in my wording; I will always use ten words where two would have done, but I always try to be clear.
However, each of you will take what you need from what I have to say. Each of you will find your own lessons in my words. Each of you will form your own relationship with the letters I have put on the screen, just as I have.
These words are so much more than individual letters,
they are pieces of me.