This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
Today, I ended up being just like that kid sitting all alone in the corner of the party.
You see, I won’t skate anymore. I fell 8 months ago, or so, and got a bad concussion. It wasn’t my first concussion on skates. I’m not stable enough and my weight plays a large part in that.
I can’t risk knocking my head around again this soon. It takes the brain a really long time to fully heal.
Besides that, I just want to be smaller and stronger the next time I get up on 8 wheels.
Anyway, this made me just like that kid sitting all alone in the corner of the party.
There were other people at the party that didn’t skate, but they weren’t there from derby, and they seemed to know other people at the party.
The only people that I knew at the party were from derby, and all of the derby people, including Wonder Woman, were skating the whole time.
At least Wonder Woman skated up to the wall to say hi to me every once in awhile.
But I was still just like that kid sitting all alone in the corner of the party.
I couldn’t bring myself to walk up to one of the groups of people I didn’t know. And by the end, when derby people started taking breaks, I was so wrapped up in my own anxiety that I couldn’t even walk over to talk to them.
I had started to feel like I was back in grade school. Always on the outside of the crowd. Always left out. Always alone except for the thoughts in my head that wouldn’t shut up.
I convinced myself they didn’t want me around.
I decided I was just like that kid sitting all alone in the corner of the party.