This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
Facebook just showed me my July Moments video. You know, the one where they make a compilation of a bunch of things that you did and pictures that you took in the previous month and put them all together in a template.
This has been a rough week or so.
But watching that video I realized just how much I’ve done this month.
Just how much I’ve accomplished, just through living my life.
Just how different that is compared to a few years ago.
And I know, I know, that I talk about this pretty often, but sometimes I need reminding. I’ve come a really, really long way.
A few years ago I couldn’t walk around the block without running out of air. Making it to my monthly doctors appointments was about the only thing I did outside of the house. I lived at my desk. I didn’t go places alone, even doctors appointments. Some days, even for weeks, I couldn’t leave the house at all because of anxiety.
And now, I look at all I did in July, and I am amazed that I’m the same person.
You couldn’t have told 3 years ago me, who hadn’t started going to the gym yet, that I’d be going almost every day.
You couldn’t have told, 3 years ago me, who freaked out flying to Florida for Parker’s Celebration of Life, that I’d be flying alone and really being mostly okay with it (minus fat people problems, but that was another post).
You couldn’t have told 3 years ago me, still thick in the trauma that life kept dealing me, that I’d see Hamilton because good things could happen to me.
You couldn’t have told 3 years ago me that I’d have this much control over my reactions to emotions.
That I’d go this long without yelling.
That I could be in a relationship without fighting.
You couldn’t have told 3 years ago me, still completely miserable, that I could be fighting through a depressive episode, and still be happy on some level.
You couldn’t have told 3 years ago me that I’d be living my best life 3 years later.
And that I still think it’ll get even better one day.
I may not have that car.
And I may not be finished school.
And I may not have a job.
But I packed a whole lot of stuff into this past month, which is a really big deal, because at one point in my life, I couldn’t have done that.
And I’ve come so, so far. I’m sure I’ll keep going.