Still The First Morning

(These are a series of posts I hand wrote while I was inpatient on the crisis unit)

August 16, 2019 8:45 AM  Fifteen hours on the unit

This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

Trigger Warning: Suicidal Stuff.

I don’t belong here. I’m supposed to be in their seat. Studying for years to get here on the wrong side of the glass. I keep doing what I’m supposed to, keep trying to get better, keep fighting for stability. Just to watch it all fall down. What am I doing here, on this side of the glass. Why haven’t I made it to where I belong. Maybe I belong six feet under, maybe I keep stopping short of succeeding at that goal. Maybe I’m focused on the wrong goal. Maybe I should be trying harder to die.

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