This is a Really Real Mental Health post.
I really have felt good the last few weeks. This is fucking amazing.
Of course there’s a but.
I’m finding little things slipping and that scares me.
I’m no longer interested in crafting, I’m halfheartedly playing games on the computer and mindlessly scrolling facebook. I don’t want to clean and the house is a bit of a disaster right now. I have to fight to do the dishes instead of following my normal routine.
I still feel great, but those are warning signs. This is a case of what comes first, does depression cause a lack of motivation, or does lack of motivation cause the depression. When I’m not motivated it’s easier to get bored, boredom lets my brain be an asshole.
Except right now it’s not being an asshole. Not too much anyway. It’s making me want to eat the house cause I’m bored, and that kinda sucks.
The question is, what do I DO about it? How do I find a way to stay engaged in activities that I have no interest in? How do I keep myself busy and keep my brain occupied? How do I beat back the demons if they try to take over?
How do I stop eating my way through the kitchen? Seriously, that one frustrates me the most right now.
I’m not sure what the answers are and I’m not sure that anyone else can give them to me. Therapy tomorrow should help.
At least I’m back to writing daily, that’s always a good thing.