This is a Really Real Relationship post.
I’m all about radical vulnerability. Being wide open, and raw, and honest.
And I realized that while I’m showing all of the sides of mental illness and widowhood, it feels like I’m offering a Facebook version of my relationship.
And that’s not who I am.
It’s not what I’ve ever meant to do.
And honestly, I want people to know that things CAN be good, even with shitty mental health and a shitty traumatic past, and even with a relationship that’s just, almost, perfect. I deserve good things, and things don’t have to be perfect to be good.
Wonder Woman and I have a really great relationship.
Over two years in and we haven’t had a single fight. We haven’t raised our voices at each other or said harsh words to each other even once. We apologize almost immediately if anything has even seemed passive aggressive. We even apologize if we’re grumpy or in a bad mood.
We really are sickeningly sweet.
We have hard talks about hard things. We have some areas of our lives and our relationship that are really hard to work through. We are polar opposites in a few areas.
We are gentle with each other about those areas. We are respectful. We are understanding.
And, we get help with navigating those areas from a couples therapist, because the view from the outside is much clearer than the view from within.
It helps, and we always come out of our sessions with ideas about how to move forward, together.
I think there’s this view that couples therapy is for couples that are falling apart.
That it’s a last resort.
It was one of the first things we went for when we realized we were hitting road blocks in some areas of communication.
Don’t get me wrong. We have GREAT communication. But some areas are just HARD when we are so different. Different histories, different traumas, different preferences.
Different ways of communicating.
So I’m writing this post for two reasons. One, is because I realized I was offering this “facebook reality” of my relationship, and I just don’t like that. And two, is to help with normalizing couples therapy, because really, what’s wrong with getting an unbiased outside perspective?