This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.
My brain is doing much better. I’ve walked and gotten out of the house and set up a plan to get my eating under control. Taking some control back has helped a lot. I felt like I was just stuck in the same loop and couldn’t get off that path.
But work is still a struggle. I haven’t done any real work since Monday. I’ve done the bare minimum, keeping fires from starting. I did talk to my boss, which was a huge thing for me, and he reminded me that nothing is an emergency, I can take the time I need and get my brain back together.
But my brain is mostly back together, and I still haven’t been able to pull out the stacks of paper that need entering. I haven’t been able to scan the papers that need scanning. I haven’t been able to file the papers that need filing.
I definitely haven’t had the creative brain to create new ads and write new copy.
But this is a start.
Getting my feelings and my struggles out of my brain and onto the screen helps me gather the focus I need to succeed. Work is super important to me. After years of being unable to be productive in that way, it makes me feel like a functional adult.
It’s a bit of normality among my disabilities.
It’s a huge accomplishment.
Taking off most of this week means I have to go back to leaning on people for financial help. That’s hard, even though I know I’m so very lucky to have people to lean on. There has already been a reduction in hours due to the state of the world and it feels unfair that I slacked off this week.
But I’m not sure that I had a choice. Without taking a break I would have sunk further and further and honestly, I’d like to avoid the danger zone.
Now it’s time to pick up where I left off, to get back into the swing of things, and to do what I know I’m capable of.
I appreciate everyone that lets me be heard. I appreciate everyone that comments. I appreciate the fact that getting my words on the screen not only helps me, but helps others as well.
I’m very grateful for my life as it is now, even with the ups and downs and struggles.
I’m grateful to be alive.
Now it’s time to get some work done.