Day 6

This is a Really Real Mental Health post.

I did my dishes.

This morning when I went to cook brunch, I piled dirty dishes upon dirty dishes on the stove.

I hate cooking in a dirty kitchen.

But I cooked. And after I ate (kind of, most of it got thrown away because it did not turn out well) I put loud music on my headphones and I did the dishes.

I should have wiped down the counters and the stove, and I didn’t, and that’s okay.

I did the dishes.

A LOT of dishes.

Now I’m going to sit and play a video game until my tele-pdoc apointment at 2. And then I’m going to game some more until my therapy appointment at 430.

I’m tired.

I’m sleeping for around 12 hours at night (sometimes more) and still taking a nap in the evening.

Depression is exhausting.

When I woke up at 630 this morning I really tried to get up. Tried to find something that was worth getting out of bed for. Tried to drum up enough interest in my current video game, or maybe cooking a good breakfast, or maybe making some more cards.

Or even just coffee.

And instead I woke up again at noon.

But I got up, and I cooked, and I did the dishes.

Small baby steps to keep myself moving forward.

Yesterday I showered. A way overdue shower that I had been beating myself up for.

But I showered.

Today, I might even do my hair before I get on video chat with my therapist.

Maybe.

It’s finding that fine line between pushing enough to keep myself going, and pushing too much and shaming myself further into depression.

Such a fine line to walk.

And today,

I did my dishes.

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