Where do I begin?

This is a Really Real Mental Health post.

I’m doing some of the things, but there are so many things that are going undone..

I’m going to the gym every night.

But I’m not running the errands I need to run before the sun goes down.

I’m making more intentional food choices.

But I’m eating all day.

I’m cooking.

But dishes often pile up, and my stove top is gross.

I’m getting up early.

But then I’m napping most of the day.

I feel

better

I guess.

But there’s so much I still haven’t done.

The increased dose of my meds are working.

But they aren’t working enough.

Or, maybe this isn’t the bipolar or the depression.

Maybe it’s me?

Where does my illness end,

and my lack of willpower begin.

When does it become lazy, instead of ill.

But, writing this has me thinking.

Maybe,

I’m being too hard on myself.

Maybe,

everything doesn’t have to change at once.

Maybe,

I’ve spent so long minimally functioning,

that I can’t expect to reverse those habits in a week.

Maybe,

it is both mental illness

and me.

And all I can do is make the next right decision.

Keep moving forward.

Picking myself up when I stumble.

Doing what I can and slowly adding more

and more.

Maybe I just need to take it one day at a time.

Maybe I need to be nicer to me.

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