This is a Really Real Mental Health post.
I spent most of last night coming up with excuses to stay home today.
I’m supposed to be going to a DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance) meeting. I’m supposed to go to the gym for the first time in who knows how long.
But last night I was already looking for excuses.
I woke up at 5am, couldn’t sleep anymore, and decided that I needed to do the menu planning and grocery shopping I haven’t done in weeks. We’ve been surviving off of what I could pull together out of the kitchen, and the occasional quick run into a store. I don’t really want to, but it’s very much needed.
I still don’t want to go to support group or the gym. Both of them seem like a kind of work I just don’t want to deal with right now.
But I will go.
Excuses are easy, the real self care comes in pushing to do the things I don’t want to do.
Pushing myself to leave the house.
Pushing myself to get involved in stuff when nothing is appealing.
Pushing myself to do the dishes and clean the house.
Pushing myself to function.
Pushing through the depression.
And the thing is, the depression doesn’t even seem all that bad. I just want to hibernate and sleep. It’s cold out, it’s dark, it’s crowded everywhere I go.
I’d rather sit home with an adorable little kitten sleeping on my chest.
But, I’ll push myself forward.
Until this passes.