Homeschooling

Do I Really Have To?

/ Self Saving Warrior Princess / Leave a comment

This is a Really Real Mental Health Post.

Some days I get really really overwhelmed with all of the “have tos” in my life.

I have to take the dog for a walk and feed her.

I have to clean up dinner dishes from the night before.

I have to make hard boiled eggs for breakfasts for the week.

I have to start dinner in the crock pot.

I have to do DBT homework and college homework.

I have to make sure my rides are set up to get places.

Have to, have to, have to.

And that’s just the morning routine.

But.

When I homeschooled Draven, one of my big philosophies was looking at everything as a choice. And for a long while that really resonated with me.

None of us have to do a damn thing.

It’s all a series of choices.

I don’t have to walk the dog, she could just pee in the house. Or, I could re-home her.

I don’t have to clean up dinner dishes, they could just sit in the sink. Or I could go out to eat every night. Or I could find options that use less dishes. Or find ways to make more money and hire someone to do dishes for me. Or throw away the dishes each time and buy more.

I’m not saying all of these ideas are feasible, but they might be.

I definitely don’t have to make hard boiled eggs for the week.  There are certainly other options for breakfasts.

Same with crock pot dinners (see above, eating out every night is sounding better and better).

I could drop out of DBT and college and never leave the house and boom, I’ve just taken care of all of my have to’s in the morning.

I’m now dog-less, eating from the mcdonald’s dollar menu every morning and night, but also never leaving my house (how does that work?).

Maybe I’m just never eating (new weight loss plan).

But, all of my have to’s are actually choices. Just because they make more sense than the alternatives, doesn’t make them required.

And if I remember they are choices, maybe they will be a bit easier to take care of on the mornings that I just don’t want to.

And maybe some mornings I’ll just choose to let the dishes sit in the sink.

Give Them Wings

/ Self Saving Warrior Princess / 3 Comments

This is a Really Real Parenting Post.

“Landed.”

“Are you in another country now?”

“Yep”

Kidlet is 19 years old and he just took a solo trip out of the country. He planned it, got his passport, paid for the tickets, saved up the spending money, and is doing the thing.

“No time for a drink yet, the next flight boards soon.” He’s old enough to drink in Canada and is looking forward to buying his first (legal) adult beverage.

He still has 2 more flights until he arrives at his final destination, some online gaming friends he’s visiting for a few days.

And I couldn’t be prouder.

I was 21 when I made my first trip (mostly) alone, relying on some inheritance to take a road trip from Maryland to Texas. Kidlet riding along in his car seat, still in diapers. The Tarzan soundtrack kept us going through that trip. I belted out “You’ll Be In My Heart” every time it came on, singing it directly from my heart to him, unable to imagine a day that I wouldn’t be right there beside him. I couldn’t begin to see this far into the future.

But here we are.

“What’s your soundtrack for this trip?”

“Ride” (By Twenty One Pilots) “I’ve had that song playing in my head.”

I smile.

Three years ago, almost to the day, Kidlet and I took a road trip to NY. It was right after Parker died and we just needed to get away. We went to see one of my best friends, also someone I knew from online. When we started I had never heard “Ride” but we spent the trip playing music for each other and it was one that got played often. By the time we were driving back it had become one of my favorite songs. We belted out the lyrics together the whole way home.

“I love you Kidlet.”

“Love you more Mom.”

Love you more isn’t a competition, it means he loves me more than all of the miles and distance between us. It’s a reminder that no matter how far apart we are, we’re still together, we’re still close.

I realize how lucky I am to have this relationship with my son. I’m still not quite sure what I did right or how I did it in the middle of all the things that went wrong for us.

In the midst of our closeness I spent his life letting him stretch his wings whenever I could.

And he sure is using them to fly.