This is a Really Real Mental Health post.
I still get really, fucking, angry sometimes.
The rage building up over the stupidest things.
The fucking Tupperware cabinet.
That, fucking, Tupperware cabinet.
Some back story here. Back when Parker was alive I physically couldn’t get down on the ground (or I wouldn’t get back up) and therefore it was almost impossible for me to organize the Tupperware cabinet. I asked Kidlet and Parker to keep up with it. They didn’t.
I did the dishes a lot of the time (from what my memory recalls at least) and I’d go to put Tupperware away and it would all fall out at me, and I’d throw a temper tantrum.
I’m sure most of you have a cabinet like that. At least I hope it’s not just me.
Parker and I used to play video games and use voice chat to talk to our friends, and one day she was on the group chat, and I was putting away dishes, and that fucking cabinet attacked me.
And I went off.
Throwing things, screaming, yelling, cussing, generally acting ridiculous.
And our friends heard most of it.
For at least 3 years after that they would send me every damn Tupperware meme they could find. They were even making their own memes to send me. They would yell “fucking Tupperware” whenever they died in game. It was the biggest (most embarrassing) joke we had in that guild, for a really long time. I still have one friend from that group who sends me a meme once a year or so.
Fast forward to today.
I can get on the floor to organize the Tupperware cabinet, but I be damned if I feel like doing it.
So today the Tupperware attacked me.
A few things had happened before it (can’t remember what) and I was just grumpy.
But grumpy turned to Really Really Pissed.
I may have cussed a little. I may have repeatedly thrown lids and containers back into that cabinet with something falling back out at me a few times. I may have slammed the door shut.
But it lasted all of 30 seconds.
I’m sad that I reacted that way, but I’m glad it’s not the norm anymore, and I’m glad it doesn’t last like it used to.
I’m glad I don’t treat people like that anymore.
I’ll apologize to Wonder Woman when she gets home, not because I directed anything at her, but because it wasn’t right for me to put that sort of anger and tension in a space we share.
Anger is fine, frustration is fine, but throwing and slamming shit isn’t fine.
I’m a lot better than I used to be. I have a lot of skills that I didn’t have then and generally, less frustration in my life overall.
I think I’m going to go organize that cabinet now.